I have done fairly well with less snacking. But I still eat too much at night. I don't snack constantly at night like I used to but still eat too much dinner. I am a night eater, and it is so hard for me to give up what I have done for so long. It is like being addicted to a drug. I know it is bad, I know it is not helping me at all, in fact it is hurting me, both physically and emotionally, but still I pursue it like I can't live without it. I am comfortable with feeling just a little too full. It is the feeling I have lived with for so many years. Painful, sure sometimes, but it is not as "scary" as leaving the food behind and actually doing this. I feel stupid even blogging about food this way. I want it to just be will power. But it isn't. It is being willing to give up what I have given into for years. Being willing to submit, trust and move forward, not just leaving food on my plate.
I know if you are a naturally thin eater, you do not understand this at all. Food is not a problem for you. Be glad, but perhaps you have other vices. Smoking, drinking, shopping, it is the feeling that you can't let go of whatever it is, you need it. Well, i need food, but not too much food. I am a person who wants to know "how much an I eat today and still lose" not "how little food do I actually need to eat today?" I tend to mourn the food I don't get to eat...instead of celebrating. Sad huh?
Well, I am sure I have said enough for today. I will try to blog more about this journey. I am certainly wandering in the desert right now...knowing the promised land is in sight, but scared to trust the One who has promised it to me.
5 comments:
cindy, you're such a good writer:)
Well I would try calculating my bmi if I were you (you may have already done so). Try counting calories. Keep a diary of everything you eat. It's a pain, but it works. Allow yourself 2 cheats per week. You can't torture yourself.
The whole point of the weight loss program that I have been talking about is to not make the food behave, or to have to constantly be monitoring the food intake, calories ect. It is to learn to eat smaller portions of the food you like, to be satisfied with only what your body needs for fuel and to turn to God in the moments you want to overeat. I need to get my focus off of the food, not make it more on the food. I appreciate your input, but if you think about a person who is naturally a thin eater, they are not keeping a diary, counting, or have a need to cheat. They just eat small amounts of food they love. That is the goal. To only think of food when my body needs fuel. And to be consumed with the Lord, not how many calories I have consumed.
so... I have been reading your blog and I identify. I have a VERY addictive personality --I get obsessed with certain things --coffee, candy, food, pajama pants (don't ask me how many I have) anyway...it has been late night snacking and watching TV in bed with Steve the past couple years --I can't do without it --last night Steve said "no snacks tonight" and I was in withdrawl. I was sick you know and had diarrhea over 100 times in 24 hours and dry heaved blood the whole night and went to the gym today and MAYBE lost 1 kgrm. I am still dehydrated shouldn't I have lost some water weight??? I have been thinking of you -and want you to know I am proud of you --and I feel your frustrations. BTW --you looked SO sexy in that dress at the wedding. :) I admire your honesty. --Tara
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