on the blog again...

Sorry, I know this was supposed to be an at least almost every day thing...and now more than a week has passed! A week of good and bad, and trying to continue to cut my portions smaller and smaller, so that i can lose more than 2 lbs!

I have had a couple of days where I have just basically said, I don't care. I want to eat, and I don't care if I am hungry or not. So I ate. I am trying to stop that, obviously that is not good. But really, sometimes I am so frustrated at myself and at having this battle at all. I am also frustrated by how fast the weight came off so long ago, and now doesn't want to budge. I get frustrated at how gung ho i was years ago,and now that i need to lose weight for more than just vanity, but to be healthier, I seem to be less motivated! What kind of whacked thinking is that?

No real insight on these questions, except I am still running to food too often. Although i have had some sucesses with praying and just saying, "Lord, i am not hungry, but i am gonna get up and get that bag of chips if I keep thinking about it. Please get my mind off the chips, and on you instead. Help me to not go get that bag. Take the desire away for what i don't really need, and fill it with you instead." You know that really works, I just don't use it enough.

I have done better the last 2 days or so, gone to bed without eating after supper, and not overeating during the day. Little sucesses...

Hope everyone is doing well! OH, my bible reading is going great! i am on schedule, and really love reading, some nights i read ahead to see what happens, when I have read these stories so many times before. The hunger for it is different, and I am loving that so much! Tell me, how is your reading going?

Catch up

I have missed a couple days, when I am ready to blog, barrett is usually working on something. But I have captured the computer for a few minutes, so here is a quick update.

I have done okay, but only okay. I am having to really really re-realize that it only takes a bit of food to fill me up. And that I am still doing too much grazing. I haven't been so full I am in pain since I started this, but can still tell that I am eating too much. So I am going to try to cut my food in half of half if we are out, and just really small portions at home.

I am trying to not weight until the end of January, the real way i will know if I am losing is my jeans fitting!

I did walk on the Treadmill today, which is something I haven't done for a long long time. and I am hoping to begin walking with lisa after work again very very soon! She has been out of town, and then the holidays before that. Excuses, Excuses!

I have a long distance partner in this, so hi to you! Hope things are going well, and that you are getting your walking in! I envy that, it's one of the things I love about New York--walking everywhere. I am going to start walking around our neighborhood since it is a bit warmer for as long as it lasts!

See you all tomorrow!

and day three

an okay day today, not to much really to blog about. Got Barrett up, made him breakfast, and went back to bed til 10:20. Then sat around having some decaf, and ate lunch at 11 or so.

I don't want to turn this into a food diary but sometimes it helps me to actually look at what I have eaten during the day. Makes me stop and say Whoa, really?

I have struggled a bit today with boredom eating, just passing thru and grabbing something in the kitchen, but have definetely done better than most days.

Not feeling overly full right now, which is usually how I end my days. That a plus, right?

I have to just go each day as it comes, not think about how long this may take. It's not gonna magically melt off, is it?

Well, I need to get the last of the laundry hung up, and get my Bible reading done...

so today was a better day eating wise than yesterday. Didn't overeat at all, and no snacking really...a few cream puffs at the dessert after church. Of course an afternoon nap helps the not eating thing!

We had great services today, I love our church so much! God has really blessed us this year, and shown us that we are moving the way He wants us too! Looking forward to great things in 2010!

I am off tomorrow, that will be a real test for me. No one else to see me eat, and I tend to overeat on those occasions! But now that I have somewhat of an accountability with the blog, I am feeling more confident that I don't Have to overeat...I can do this!

Have a great night!

Ham and Cool Ranch Doritos

It has been so long since I last blogged anything of substance. Halloween is fun and all, but not anything to think about deeply. I haven't had much to say, although much has happened in the last year, so very much! Sky got married, Barrett turned 16, we got a great son-in-law, Jon and Bec came home for a visit, Min and Perry are awaiting visas to head to the Philippines, a trip back to Guatemala, and more.

Oh, and I have gained about 10 lbs since I last blogged about losing 30 before Sky's wedding.

So, if you don't want to hear anymore about my weight issues, then stop here. Because I am so tired of this extra weight. And I feel like my only chance is to write about my struggle(at least that is what it feels like) with weight loss so that I can put how I feel on "paper" so to speak.

So each day I want to just let anyone interested how I've done. Not a food diary, and not a whine fest, but a true picture in the day of the life of someone addicted to food. Cause I really think I am. Addicted to food. I crave it, I eat it when I don't need it, I think about it, and I am always in some way, dealing with it. So this is it people, I am finished being this big, Rubenesque if you will. Not for my husband, who loves me no matter what size I am, but for me. I hate having to buy bigger and bigger clothes. Hate not having jeans that fit. I am finished with hating how I look, but not doing something about it but complain. And I know my family is tired of the complaining.

I purposely didn't read my last blog on my weight, because I am sure I am saying some of the same things I said the last time. But no matter, this is the time for me. Me. I am going to do this, with the Lord's help, cause really what I am craving is Him, and filling up with something else.

So, lets start with today. Great morning and afternoon. Little breakfast, then an orange for a snack at Sky's and popcorn for lunch at the movies. No extra butter, only cause they didn't have any. But not even alot of popcorn, cause it wasn't the best I've ever had. The getcha came at home after running by the store to get stuff for dinner. We had cream tacos, which i am not super fond of, so didn't eat that. But, I also got a ham for lunch tomorrow, and had a few pieces of that, along with too many Cool Ranch Doritos. I ate aimlessly while cooking the cream tacos, and of course before I knew it, i am past full. Not good. That's the thing for me, constant grazing, and not paying attention.

So, it begins. Read or not, that is totally up to you. But I will be blogging each day hopefully, so if you get bored...I will most likely be here!

oh, I am reading thru the Bible in chronological order. In Job right now. The great thing is, I am staying with it, even tho we are only on day 9, that is good for me! And, I am anxious to read each day...what will I see today? That's a nice change for me too.

Well, that's it for today...see you tomorrow.